|
Hope
The deeper sorrow carves into you, the more joy you can
hold
-Kahlil Gibran-
I think that it is important for me to share with
you not only the wonderful things I have experienced in my life, but also the
not so wonderful. Holly Golightly in
Breakfast at Tiffany's coined it "the mean reds". And I am not
sure if Holly and I suffer from the same thing, but it certainly feels similar
to her description.
The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you
don't know what you're afraid of.
My mean reds are a little demon called
major depressive disorder. I have had terrible mood swings and
depression since I was in my mid-teens, always blaming myself for being out of
control. In actuality it was a simple yet complex chemical imbalance that
is treated beautifully with medication and therapy. I was diagnosed after
a nervous breakdown a few years ago and it was sometimes very difficult to come
to terms with, but it is something that has been well treated and I am on a path
to a wonderful, healthy and stable life and future. I still have episodes of
anxiety and depression. It never really goes away and I know that there
will be times when I relapse, but I have found the wisdom and tools to deal with
those relapses and you can too if you are suffering. You have the strength in
you. The constant goal is to make those episodes less intense, shorter in
duration and farther apart.
I know a lot of people who are suffering from some
form of depression and I am here to tell you that you can find help and a
treatment that can aid you in controlling this imbalance. The demons inside of
this illness are the most brilliant of illusionists. They will make you believe
things about yourself that are not true. They will try to drag you away to a
dark place kicking and screaming and then they will try to silence you. Don't
let them. Please get help if you feel you need it.
There are two excellent books that I recommend highly for
those suffering from depression:
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Dr. Kay Jamison Redfield.
- An excellent book about the Bipolar or Manic Depression experience.
Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron - Another excellent
book about the Major Depressive Disorder experience.
I have also been physically and verbally abused by an
ex-lover and know the guilt and shame that something like that can breed, but
remember that being abused is never your fault. There is no excuse for
any kind of abuse, physical or verbal. So if you are suffering from any kind of
abuse at all or from a rape, again please get help. If you need to talk to
someone please email me -
rachel@kundavega.com - or use one of the sites below to find the help
that you need. Remember how precious you are.
The universe is not going to see someone like you again in
the entire history of creation.
-Vartan Gregorian-
If you are suffering from rape or abuse, thoughts of suicide
or any other kind of depression PLEASE get help. Know that you are loved and not
alone. Please use the sites below as links to help. Please email me if you would
like to talk about anything. I have been where you are now and I know how you
feel. I am lending my hand to you.
Suicide Hotlines
Metanoia - Turn Toward the Light
All site contents Copyright © Rachel Lisi 2008
|